Corazon en costra / Heart in crust

Pucha que vergüenza, que desastre! Ayer fui una voluntaria desastrosa.
Pensé que siempre podría entrar en “automático”; sonreír, compartir, asimilar y luego seguir con mi vida diaria sin pensar mas en lo vivido……
Trauma fue hasta ahora fácil, los niños tienen fracturas o demás diagnósticos que son manejables y sus padres siempre están por ahí……. Ayer no, ayer salude a una enfermera al entrar y me llamo a un costado, me dijo que si iba a ver a los niños que mejor sepa que Claudia, la niña de la cama del medio, perdió a su madre en el accidente que la trajo al hospital y que ella no lo sabe, es su tía la que esta al costado. No me di cuenta que esto me impresiono! Solo hasta estar frente a Claudia y verificar que este angelito solo tiene 3 años de edad y que su joven tía no es muchísimo mayor tampoco….. Deysi y Daniela estaban alegres, como siempre, y Claudia estaba observando, no tenia ningún juguete, encontré uno felizmente y mientras un pastor nos leía la Biblia me senté con ella, acariciándole el cabello. Ella quiso contarme cosas, quería comenzar a llorar y recordar el accidente, felizmente soy sorda y no logre entender los detalles porque si ya estaba a punto de llorar antes, con esos detalles hubiese llorado a moco tendido. Me despedí luego de unos momentos de Claudia pero ella me acompaño todo el día, no podía dejar de sufrir pensando en el cambio radical del que estaba siendo yo testigo en su vida. En “quemados” estaban R. y varias inglesas, quise informarles de Claudia pero no lograba controlar las lágrimas, así no servía yo para nada, felizmente no se dieron cuenta y pude informarles, ellas tomaron juguetes y se dirigieron a Trauma a conocer a Claudia.
En “Quemados” Luis Miguel me quería retener exclusivamente, me advirtió que si me iba no lo iba a encontrar mas porque ya se iba a Andahuaylas, pintamos juntos un conejito bajo la mirada atenta de Juliana, que no puede pintar porque tiene ambas manos vendadas, Juliana tiene 9 años y espero pronto poder hacer otras actividades con ella.
Ayer Yasmina estaba apática, recostada sobre su almohada, acariciándole el cabello pude observar detenidamente las innumerables heridas y cicatrices que tiene en brazos, cuerpo y cara, algunas costras van cayéndose , su cuerpo tiene 3 colores, el canela de su hermosa piel, el rosado de las heridas sin costra y el amarillo rojizo de las heridas aun cubiertas. Yasmina se mueve con mucho vigor pero sus limitaciones son claras, hay partes de su cuerpo que no logran extenderse completamente por las heridas, pude estar con ella por primera vez a solas porque su padre salió a comprar y en ese momento, Yasmina se convierte en el ser joven cuya lucha es difícil y asombrosa, apoyada solo en la presencia de su padre.
Richard ha convertido el cuarto 483 en la Suite hospitalaria, un televisor les hace la vida mas llevadera a padres y niños, permitiéndoles abstraerse de toda realidad fuera de la caja boba.
Ayer no fui buena voluntaria, ayer la luna me afecto el corazón y no me dejo ser objetiva, solo subjetiva. Ayer fui un paciente mas, necesitado de cariño y consuelo, sin cicatrices a la vista pero con el corazón en costra.

Shit! what a shame, what a mess! Yesterday I was a miserable volunteer.
I thought that I could go into "automatic"; smile, share, learn and then continue with my daily life without thinking more on what I saw.......
Trauma was always far easier, children have fractures or other diagnoses that are manageable and their parents are always around ... .... yesterday not, as I came in and said hallo to a nurse, she called me aside, told me that if I was going to see the children, I should be informed about the girl in the middle bed, she had lost her mother in the accident that brought her into the hospital and she does not know yet. It is her aunt who is on the side. I said “Ok” and did not realize that this information had impressed me so! Just being in front of Claudia and verifying that this angel is only 3 years old and her young aunt is not much elder either! ... .. Deysi and Daniela were happy, as always, and Claudia was watching, did not have any toys. Luckily I found one as a pastor came in to read the Bible I sat with her, stroking her hair. She wanted to tell me things ,begin to mourn and remember the accident, fortunately I am deaf and could not understand the details because if I was about to mourn before, with those details I would had cried loud. I said goodbye after a few moments to Claudia but she rest in my mind all the day, I could not stop thinking about her suffering and the radical change in her life, from which I was a witness . In "burns" I met R. and several english women, I wanted to inform about Claudia but could not hold back the tears, and I was no good at all, happily they did not realize my shock and I could finally inform them, they took some toys and headed to meet Claudia in Trauma.
In "Burns" Luis Miguel wanted to retain me only for him, warned me that if I left I was no going to find him any more because he was leaving to Andahuaylas soon. We painted together a bunny under the watchful eye of Juliana, who can not paint because she has both hands bandaged Juliana is 9 years old and I hope soon we can do other activities soon together.
Yasmina was yesterday apathetic, lying on her pillow, stroking her hair I could look closely at the many wounds and scars on her arms, body and face, some scabs are falling. Her body has 3 colors, the cinnamon of her beautiful skin, pink of wounds without crust and reddish-yellow of the wounds still covered with crust. Yasmina moves vigorously, but her limitations are clear, there are parts of her body that can not to extend completely due to the wounds, I could be with her for the first time alone because her father left for a moment to buy something and at that time, I realize the young Human Being she is with such hard struggles and supported only by the presence of her father.
Richard has become the room 483 in the Suite of the hospital; a TV makes life more bearable for parents and children, allowing them to be abstracted from any reality outside the idiot box.
Yesterday I was not a good volunteer, yesterday the moon affected my heart and I was not objective, only subjective. Yesterday I was one more patient, in need of love and comfort, without scars at sight but with the heart in crust.